Do you ever feel defeated?
This week was MY breaking point!
This week was MY breaking point!
Hadn’t recovered from things the past few…years… let alone to now have my hard drive crash, *new* medical issues, work, the house, bullying…
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And felt like I’ve been operating in “cancel” mode; I’ve canceled trips, work contracts, work appointments, not to mention all the social events and yoga ( <– that I NEED). So sick of saying “I’m sorry but…”
Ugh…sick of myself!
Speaking of “sick”, our priority *should be* our health, right?!
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My trying to continue w all my diagnostics & consults is a full-time job itself! (I’m thankful that I have the knowledge as a Dr to help traverse this broken healthcare system, at least!) And yes, I know – STRESS AIN’T HELPING any of it.
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Well I am… or was… working on things this past year but this darn house shared the top spot of Priority Numero Uno.
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And what do we do when it’s OUR needs vs something/one else’s?? We put our selves on the back burner.
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I know I’m not the only one.
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In the last few months:
– Spent thousand$ of dollars (not to mention time) to get the house re-ready for re-entry on the MLS.
– Spent thousand$ of dollars (not to mention time) to get the house re-ready for re-entry on the MLS.
– Planned for a huge “Open” on Wednesday a.m. to relaunch– food, drink, flowers, gift cards, advertising…
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….only to find the downstairs in 1/8 – 1/4 inch of WATER this Wednesday. (Thank God for hard vs. faux wood).
I wasn’t even the one who found it; the pics of the leak and damage were sent to my phone while I was at my mammo (bc we’re still on “lump watch 2017, 2018, 2019” and I’m trying to do 5 things at the same time).
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The “open” was set to start in less time than the amount of time it would’ve taken me to leave and get there.
FFFFFFFFFffffffFFFFFfff!
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Now if you’ve been playing along, you may or may not know that at the beginning of summer when we first re-listed (from the fraud fiasco a couple years ago we eventually had to walk away from in Laguna Niguel), we had to immediately take the house off the market because of a leak in an exterior pipe valve. A deceptive one that took 6-7 vendors to even find. During the Memorial Day weekend. And one that resulted in the cement and hardscaping being destroyed at the front of the house.
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We replaced everything and built it better.
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So… to have this happen…again?!?!
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And this isn’t a fixer-upper or a sh*tty house by any means; it’s a very well-maintained, upgraded place if I do say so myself (but so has every agent/showing/person who’s been in).
It’s bad enough to figure out coping mechanisms when you’re dealing with chronic pain & no prior “road map” on how to do that successfully other than past experience and education. Meanwhile putting out fires right & left… without help.
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I couldn’t do it. (Whatever “it” was or needed to be.)
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I broke down.
Lost. It.
Things could be worse, is what I always say.
((and that is NOT a challenge, God!))
((and that is NOT a challenge, God!))
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I don’t usually mention anything that’s going on with me personally for a number of factors the first of which being- I’m too darn busy to rectifying the issues.
And when I do have a spare second, the LAST thing I want to do is ruminate on this sh*t; I want to listen to music or choreograph.
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Plus, no one wants to hear sob stories, let’s face it!
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It’s been said 80% of the people don’t care about your problem and the other 20% are secretly glad you have it.
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Speaking of…
Besides mentioning about “taking modifications”, “drinking water” and having “FUN”, another part of my beginning instructions in all classes is “No complaining”.
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It’s sad that I have to say that but I’ve come into class before having my pets/a family member/a patient pass away or another piece of incredibly bad news and I have received criticism or even been yelled at for extremely trivial things that weren’t to that person’s particular liking or something that happened to them outside of gym-life.
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We are blessed.
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So aside from from my “doctorly” work (which is unfortunately for me financially, a lot easier to cancel) that’s another reason why I didn’t teach a few days; I didn’t want to take the chance of someone throwing a tantrum about how I “better talk to” so-in-so “because her hair is bugging me!!!” or similar (Yes, I’ve actually heard that.)
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I realize that trivial complaints like that aren’t from anyone (I hope…LOL) that’s reading this or a follower.
And it’s not that I’m being unsympathetic because I get it; we are “all dealing with something” and maybe that IS terrible for that person..
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But…
…I feel some people don’t realize how blessed they are!
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And…
….perhaps a lack of empathy is more common these days than common sense (or lack of common sense).
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Again, because we really ARE blessed.
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I get that nearly everyone (especially in the OC) has had water issues. It sucks. It’s never convenient or easy.
And this isn’t my first rodeo with this house or any previous!
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And that bad days are not a competitive sport- or shouldn’t be, rather.
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[Though I really would like to meet someone who has had similar or worse than my barrage of bullsh*t because I’d like to support them & their efforts and LEARN their coping strategies- more like a “How’d you do it?!” than a “Omg, me too!” sentiment. But to do so means I’d have to share “my stories” more than I’ve felt comfortable doing. And a lot more has gone on personally or behind the scenes than I’ve discussed.]
I appreciate any & ALL kindness. ALL the words of positivity.
Not just now but EVERY. Single. Time.
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Everyone at my work(s) and even at my classes this week who’s said “you make it look so easy!” and “I have fun in your class…”
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Listen, mi gente: It HAS to be- simple & fun. For you AND me.
Because sometimes life isn’t.
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But I think it’s the combination of everything plus the past several years that… just sorta did it for me.
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And I apologize that I ran away from EVERYTHING/ONE this Wednesday and Thursday because that’s not like me. But I had nothing left.
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I’m getting better.
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Do you ever feel defeated?
Keep moving.
We got this!
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Love, T
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P.S. I really do love you guys!
P.P.S. And to the haters: Stay tuned! More material coming. I may be blonde and blind but I’m not stupid. I truly hope you find the strength to heal whatever’s missing within yourself- like I’m doing. Projecting the damage on others is NEVER okay.
IMMA MISS THIS PLACE!
First and foremost we all have had days we need to escape and get our thoughts together….take the time you really need…we love you and totally get it!!!….believe me my life might look great but there has been some “bad shit”…..made me better and stronger and more sympathetic to others…..
On the house shit….I was a realtor for many, many years….you wouldn’t believe the things I dealt with….ask me sometime about the house flood I had that was in escrow…and yes with the attorneys help we got it successfully closed keeping the buyer in the loop was key…Keep all receipts and document all repairs…..anybody can have this happen..it is how it is handled and “disclosed” is the more important part…yes even insurance companies track this stuff…fyi..
You are my favorite teacher by far!!!!! Just sayin…I feel the happiest when I enter and leave your classes……you are stronger than you think and can handle the shit….you can….just believe it….haters, etc have something really wrong with them I truly think they will have to pay in the end….
As long as you have a clear mind and remember you have many many supporters on your side….Love Ya T